and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
