but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
