So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Found the puke drawer
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
