i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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