Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
