Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
