he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
