Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
