Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
