Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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