some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
