you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
