Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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