I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize