We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
