I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
