I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
