jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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