fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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