Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am naked and annoyed.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
