hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
