I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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