You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
