Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
we're so committed to being not committed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
