I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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