I hate all girls vehemently.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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