Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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