I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize