Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
