He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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