i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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