the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
