I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
