it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize