i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
