No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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