Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
