Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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