he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
