Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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