i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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