decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
