his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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