So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
