She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
