Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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