Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
