At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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