you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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