Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
