omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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