i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
