So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
