i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
True but thats because hes a fetus.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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