you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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