my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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