first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
