I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
