bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
