my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
