I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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