I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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