that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i think my cat just said my name.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
