don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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