did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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