I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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