My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
