Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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