What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
