i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
