he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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